A Minimalist Refocus for Our Life

Image from Pinterest.

So....I've always been one with a heart toward minimalism. Some of this derives from my environmental tendencies that is based on the belief that we don't need all.the.things that marketing tries to convince us to need. Some of this is based on the health outcomes of just living more simply, with less to muddle our minds, our houses, our bodies, our relationships etc. Some of this is based on the various reading and research I did in my early 20s regarding simpler and more natural living.

Yet, while I rarely have issues with downsizing my THINGS or simplifying ITEMS, anyone who knows me would probably report that I am consistently known for STRIVING toward MORE in my life via ACHIEVEMENT. This usually means day dreams, research, or planning about the type of house I'd like to eventually own, the next degree I'd like to obtain, the next stage my child will be in, the next trip I'd like us to take, and generally where I'd like life to be in the next 1-5 years. While this doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, as it means I'm constantly trying to push myself toward a better version of myself and I like to be moving life forward in some form..... it does become exhausting, it can be a waste of time, and it does usually lead toward some level of dissatisfaction with the present. When I'm consistently focusing on where I want life to be rather than where life is, then I'm not really being fully present, nor am I practicing gratitude for what I already have, nor am I fully trusting that the right doors will open as they should in the future. 

Dissatisfaction is one of my biggest personal struggles, even when I have so incredibly much to be grateful for in my life. I am incredibly privileged both within the US and from a global scale. I have more than enough food to eat, a loving home that we share with my parents, a large loving family and an incredible social network. We have numerous opportunities to spend quality time together, to engage in the hobbies we love, to appreciate the days we're growing old in. Yet how often have I found myself wishing we were back in our own home or living on property, or that I'd done x, y or z faster or sooner (even when I know the time wasn't right). Even though where we are RIGHT NOW is the absolute best setting for everyone. 

Thus when I saw the second to last line in this meme shared above (LET GO OF ATTACHMENT TO DOING, HAVING MORE) it truly hit home for me. My son and I, we have enough. We're quite content and while our current situation may not fit the norm of society, it's what's best for both of us RIGHT NOW. 

It also pushed me to truly reflect upon the life that I've lived and how much is left to live. Why am I striving when there might be so many years left to accomplish that which weighs on my heart? Why not trust that each of those doors will open in their own right time and location? Why not truly trust that we really are where we are to be for right now? 

Based on my family history, unless some fluke occurs or the world ends :), more than likely I'm just a few years into my second third or second fourth of my life. The first quarter was spent doing all the things I was "supposed to do" and yet even then I felt that I hadn't accomplished enough. I spent my 25th birthday feeling like I hadn't arrived to where I wanted to be, even though by 26 I had two masters degrees, had completed my undergrad in three years, and had traveled or lived in several countries. The next decade brought a failed and short marriage, much domestic and international travel, an immense amount of self-taught outdoor skills and experiences, intense self-awareness and growth, finding my professional niche, and the arrival of an adorable baby boy who seems to take after his always striving mother :) To say that there has been an overwhelming amount of life lived in this first 1/3ish of life, leaves me being okay with again trying to slow down and appreciate this middle third of life. 

With so much under my belt and so much left to live, it's truly time for me to embrace a new level of minimalism (and to set the example for my son) that while it's important to push yourself forward, it's equally important to BE PRESENT and FULLY ENJOY the journey. There (hopefully) is plenty of time to enjoy the items on the "to do" list that remain, and for now, it's most important to just delight in the journey, trusting that the doors we need for now will remain open, and enjoying the opportunity to appreciate these important years together. 

Minimalism....to a whole new level. :)

Graduation Letter to a Nephew

Dear Nephew,

Here you are on the cusp of a major life transition and it seems like just yesterday you were that fluff haired little boy. Over the last two years, it’s been especially wonderful to watch you start to come into a bit more of your own and I’m excited to watch the coming years unfold.

In the end you will make all your own decisions and as much as we can offer you wisdom and thoughts for along the way, you will create a life that is all your own. While I hope it’s a fairly smooth process, more than likely there will be lots of bumps along the way. So here’s a conglomeration of things I’ve learned along the way and/or wish to offer for you to think upon:

1)      When/if the shit hits the fan, you might be tempted to hate all of life for awhile and that’s okay. Let yourself be pissed, confused, sad….but also lay the steps to start moving yourself forward to less cloudy days. Eventually the sun always shines again and even when we don’t know where the hell He is….He’s usually pulling for us and trying to get us back on a path toward Him.

2)      LIVE. And I mean really do it. Talk to people who are different from you, try new things (minus drugs….DON’T do drugs J), challenge yourself, learn something outside of your box, TRAVEL. Your 20s are all about figuring out who you really are (a process you’ll repeat over and over throughout life) so allow yourself the opportunities to do so. Which leads me to….

3)      Take the time to question your beliefs and who you are. Are they yours or the beliefs of society, your parents, your schooling etc? Evaluate what you really believe and why. Be able to back up why you believe a certain way. Use this process to create your value system and use that value system as your foundation from which you operate and make future decisions. Know yourself and what you stand upon. Be aware of both your strengths and weaknesses. Edit and alter as needed throughout life.

4)      Pick a career that you’re passionate about and that will meet your basic financial needs. Be open to the idea that you might change careers multiple times during your life and allow yourself the space to do so if you feel called to make the change. Excess money doesn’t breed happiness, debt doesn’t breed happiness, so make smart financial choices. If you choose to go to grad school…..wait until you really know what you want to do—it’s a big financial endeavor.

5)      Get an education but always remember that education comes from more than just book learning. Life is a process of constantly learning.

6)      Set goals….and achieve them. It’s important to lay out a plan, but also recognize that the best made plans are made in pencil. Sometimes life alters our plans and that’s okay, but still make sure you accomplish goals in some form. A plan heads us in a direction even if the accomplished end point is different than our intention.

7)      Make time to travel. Take road trips, buy the plane tickets, visit the off the beaten path towns, take the time to see something new each year even if it’s just 50 miles away. Be a local not a tourist, but sometimes be a tourist in your own town. So often we live places without truly appreciating and experiencing them.

8)      Pick up new hobbies throughout your life. Engage your mind in new pursuits and creativity. Don’t be afraid to try something new, even at 90.

9)      Don’t be afraid to discard things that no longer serve you but hold on to a few really good things for the long haul. Friendships change and end and sometimes come back around again.

10)   Pick a partner who compliments you and who operates from your same value system. Recognize that you both with change over time. Always keep your word and remember that actions speak louder than actual words. Communicate, allow for separate interests, and yet make sure that you cherish and respect each other.

11)   Be mindful of health. Your health is one of your greatest gifts. Cherish your individual health, the collective health of society, the health of the planet. But also remember that sometimes you just need to drink the milkshake and eat the bacon burger.

12)   Be a steward. GIVE to others without expecting. Take care of your environments and take care of people near and far. How you treat the people and world around you speaks more than anything else.

13)   Always pack an extra change of clothes/shoes, valid ID, a credit card, a snack, cash, and condoms. Carry these in your car & make sure they’re always in your luggage.

14)   Grant grace—to yourself and others. We are all flawed. We all fail. We all make mistakes. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Learn from seemingly negative experiences and turn bitter into sweet.

15)   Be self-sufficient and independent. Learn how to do things on your own and develop a skill-set to be able to do a variety of regular tasks. But also don’t be afraid to ask for help or assistance. There will be seasons in your life of independence and seasons of dependence. Be able to exist in either one.

I’m proud of you. I love you. Congrats on this closing chapter and here’s to the one to come!

Much love,

Aunt Liz

Minimalist Baby? Greener Healthier Baby Care? Is it Possible?

One of the most overwhelming things about sharing with others that you're pregnant is all.the.stuff. Babies are a marketing dream and industry has done a phenomenal job of developing all sorts of items to make us think that we need them. Don't get me wrong, there are MANY helpful items these days, but I like the idea of a more minimalist approach to child rearing. (Trying getting grandparents on board with that one however!).

Since I'm also a huge environmental and personal health advocate, I like to really think about and research the products that I use or bring into the house. While so much of having a child has been about compromise, I've had to let some of my desires go....but generally speaking there is still a lot that I've been able to adhere to. Case in point on compromise: I'm not a fan of plastic. If I had my way, Max would have had limited exposure to plastic from the get go. There are so many great wood, metal and cloth toys available....but alas I've had to concede and he currently plays with way more plastic than I ever would have desired or imagined. Since plastic is so prevalent, much of his current foods-to-go also come in plastic/aluminum wrappers and most the personal care product containers are also plastic.

Some of the things I've made sure to maintain however are his PERSONAL CARE ITEMS: I researched all of the items we might need through Environmental Working Group's Skin Deep database (Babies & Moms tab) and ordered the ones that scored the best in the categories of diaper rash cream, lotion, and body wash. While I still prefer the original body wash from Baby Mantra, I ended up switching to Burt's Bees Baby Lotion & Diaper Cream due to the fact that they scored fairly well and coated much better than the other items I'd tried. The lotion also does a fairly decent job with his eczema flares from food sensitivities. I use the Baby Mantra wash as both body wash and shampoo, and we tend to wash Max's hair every other night rather than nightly. We also nightly apply Burt's Bees powder in Max's armpits, as he developed a rash from sweating initially.

FEEDING: Breastfeeding started out well and that hand pump pictured (great loaner from a coworker) was a lifesaver for traveling for work (airport travel especially). It took longer of course, but was easy to clean and throw in a travel bag. I did use two Medela pumps: one at work and one at home and eventually figured out I could just pump into his glass baby bottles or into mason jars so I was able to reduce the plastic pumping pieces. Due to Max's food sensitivities and issues with having enough freedom to pump regularly at work, I also supplemented with formula once I was back at work. After a long spell with soy and another failed 6-8 attempts with other specialized sensitive formulas, we ended up with Kabrita goat's milk formula. Truthfully he did better on that goat's milk formula than he did on any other option, including my breast milk (even with all the foods I removed from my diet). Even though it's beyond the guidelines, at just over a year old, he's still drinking goats milk formula out of bottles....which leads me to....

BOTTLES: The Life Factory glass baby bottles have been truly wonderful. I read up on several different types of bottles and plastic alternative options. I went with the Life Factory ones for a couple reasons. First, I have one of the ones for adults and while it's not my go-to, I have been really impressed with it. I wanted glass over the stainless steel options as I wanted to see the contents in the bottle (although Max now has his own baby Klean Kanteen). The other thing that I LOVE is that with the trade of lids, the bottles transition to sippy cups or regular drinking bottles. They can also be used as snack containers and we now use his little ones for snacks in the car. Overall the Life Factory ones seemed to make the most sense to transition us from infant to baby to toddler without needing to purchase anything separate---minimalism at it's finest! The one thing I will say is that the reviews are accurate in that the bottle is too heavy for Max to hold it himself, which means that we always cuddle up for bottle time which I don't mind at all. Also, two little bottles and three big bottles would be about right for one child. I ended up with SIX big bottles which is way too many. Two size 1 nipples and 2-4 size 2, and two sippy lids.

FOODS: I'll review later in another post I imagine. I had such hopes here and was so saddened by the amount of food sensitivites he seemed to demonstrate. He's always loved to eat and because he showed the signs of being ready, I allowed him to eat some basic homemade purees made from organic food items starting at about 4 months. (Note: my parents advocated for me to add rice cereal as was standard in their general, but the research is showing that the baby's stomach isn't quite able to break down the rice at young ages.)  Due to his sensitivites, he regularly ate purees but we pretty much had to keep him to the same "safe" food items for several months. He ate mainly homemade baby food and table shares until about 8 months. When we hike, he loves the organic baby food pouches and snack bars, but at home generally refuses pureed food at this point and prefers simple table items (banana, pear slices, peas, blueberries, sausage, sweet potato, shredded chicken, etc that he feeds himself). For a baby/toddler, this kid eats a lot.....

DIAPERS: What goes in, must come out and one of the biggest environmental concerns regarding kids is the amount of long-term waste that occurs due to disposal diapers (not to mention the chemicals frequently in those diapers that are soaked in liquid and held against sensitive baby skin). For those reasons, I knew that I wanted to cloth diaper Max if he did okay with it. Due to the fact that I was returning to work and didn't want the stress/additional work of washing diapers, I decided to use a diaper service and had every intention of using it through at least the first year. We went with Tidee Didee Diaper Service, who is eco-friendly in their approach, didn't require any pre-rinse (literally just throw them in the bag, poo and all), and had a registry option available. If we had continued on a regular schedule and location then I definitely would have continued utilizing their service and with the registry, I had the first six months of service covered. Because we were splitting our time between family and my home, it eventually was easier to just purchase our own used inserts and do the washing ourselves. (After trying many options, I prefer the old school cotton tri-folds. They also give Max room to grow and can be folded down in front which is especially great for little boys.) While home washing is not always the most glamorous, it makes my environmental heart feel a little bit better. The whole process of figuring out and deciding on diaper covers took a lot of research and trial and error actually. In the end, I loved and preferred Thirsties Hook & Loop (ie velcro....I'm not a fan of any snaps). We tend to have 4-5 covers for the size he's in. The disposables that you see pictured are Naty Diapers and we use their wipes also. Naty Diapers were developed in Europe (which has better health and environmental standards) and are supposedly compostable ie they break down much faster than the plastic counterparts. Price wise they're fairly comparable, are easily ordered in bulk online, and they contain less chemicals than mainstream versions. We use Naty diapers when traveling or doing outdoor activities. (When traveling I order online the diapers, wipes, and formula and have it delivered directly to our destination....MUCH less to pack and that much easier.)

MEDICATIONS: True to form, I'd prefer a more holistic approach to Max's health, although I compromise on that as needed as well. We did use a prescription to reduce the reflux as he was so miserable from it for a period, but true to form it only took a month for tolerance to develop and it no longer worked that well. That colic was no joke and I read up and tried many a potential treatment. We tried gripe water, I tried regular homeopathics I had to mix and dilute, I tried herbal teas, I tried infant massage, we always had a relaxing bedtime ritual, I cut out all.the.foods, I tried acupressure, we tried a lot. The only thing we found to work for Max was Hyland's Homeopathic Gas Drops. It didn't get rid of the screaming periods by any means, but it did shorten the duration down to 1.5-2 hours. (While they worked for us and our situation, they didn't work for a fellow mama with a colicky baby...) Even after the colic subsided the Gas Drops were lifesavers as they ease his stomach discomforts. I cannot tell you how many boxes of Gas Drops we have gone through, but they've been worth every penny. We have also used Hyland's Cold & Mucus for the few colds he's had. I also regularly use Honest's Breathe Easy Chest Rub when he's congested and a humidifier in the room. Almost nightly, I also rub an infant friendly modified version of Doterra's essential oils FLOOM combination to peak his immune system. (My sister is a distributor and mixes it as FLOM; for my own health I daily pop an OnGuard and it does wonders!!!) For teething, he wears a Baltic Essentials amber necklace (we had to replace the first one because it stretched and he could get it in his mouth) and I rub a local homeopathic teething rub on his gums. We also use dyefree Advil....a LOT--much more than I want to admit but it seems to be one of the only things that regularly works to get him physically relaxed enough to fall asleep. The dyefree is a must for me due to many of the students that show the potential harmful effects of food dyes on kids.

While I lost the battle on plastic free toys, I'm at least glad that many of the other areas of importance to me were adhered to. (And at the very least, I kept plastic out of his tub for at least six months, including no plastic baby tub nor did we use a PVC "rubber" ducky.) Additionally many of his clothes, toys, and books are hand-me-down or thrifted items, further decreasing the amount of new consumption and in the case of used clothes & linens also decreasing his chemical exposures. They're only little for so short a period of time that it just makes the most sense to me to use less overall and to try to keep their overall chemical exposures to a minimum during this important time of development and growth. We were very fortunate to buy thrifted baby furniture or restore some of my own childhood pieces. I also received several great hand-me-down items from friends (shared about in a much older post), including a baby swing, still good car seats, a simple style hiking pack, wraps, a changing table, bouncers, etc. All of these items were either returned or passed on to others once Max either outgrew it or it was apparent that he wouldn't use them. To further try to increase minimalism, I also monthly go through his clothes, toys, and books and rehome what we no longer need.

What are your thoughts? In what ways have you tried to implement "greener" approaches to raising a baby? Are there other suggestions you have?

A Year Later

The best of intentions. That statement alone could summarize my life as a hit or miss blogger, but that's also part of being authentic.

Motherhood has been a bit of a rough transition for me, for us. Yes there have been LOTS of incredible moments along the way of this first year (many of which I plan to post about here), but there were also so many moments of frustration, exhaustion, and worry. We, my son and I, are so incredibly fortunate to be blessed with my parents, who took the majority of this first year of my son's life to fully support (and in some cases even live) with us.

Now don't get me wrong...I didn't expect that becoming a single parent would be a cake walk. By no means did I have that expectation. But what I didn't expect at all, fully struggled with, became depleted by, and still sometimes get frustrated by is the amount of challenges that my little guy had to deal with during this first year of life. We had colic for five months. (Translate to: 1.5-3 hours of inconsolable crying every night; frequently between 11pm and 3am...none of which you can "fix"). He had severe reflux for 10 months. (Translate to: major spit-ups somewhere between oh 15-30+ each day; sometimes wiping out three outfits in one day AND generally enough to go through 5-8 spit up rags each day). He had food sensitivities from birth. (Translate to: extremely restricted mama diet while trying to breastfeed, restricted dietary items even though he so desperately wanted to eat real foods from 4 months on). And to be totally honest, if ADHD existed in babies, he might be a poster child for it. He's been highly alert since birth, generally fought naps, only tolerated periods of inactivity (ie the swing, a bouncer, a carseat) for about 20 minutes on average or 40 minutes max, and could "keep going strong" until 10-11pm most nights (although he then starts his day way later than the average baby).

This mama also had major work/life transitions happening. My full-time professor position suddenly lost funding 2 weeks before I was to come back from short-term disability. I was asked to apply for a newly created administrative level position, was granted that position, still was asked to teach my regular load, and faced unexpected opposition in my new position. At this same time, I realized that my body was not going to physically bounce back as I'd hoped and I continued to feel chronic fascia tension and muscular pain. I regained all the baby weight I'd lost and felt almost continuous low level pain.

Add all of little man's challenges with mama's challenges and you've basically got a recipe for disaster...... OR you can allow all of this to be the opportunity to make some major changes toward restoring balance. Being who I am I chose the later. If there's one thing I learned early in my 20s, it's that NO amount of pay or recognition or ease is worth your health or your sanity or your family.

At 6 months postpartum, I had started noticing the signs for postpartum depression, recognized how much of a toll it was on my mother to provide so much childcare, and decided it was time to make a major change for all of us. At 8 months postpartum, I officially resigned from the new position with the intention of returning to a more flexible adjunct status at both of my original institutions. I'd also begun acupuncture and had seen a few improvements from structural integration massage sessions. My son and I were starting to hit a regular rhythm, his colic was over and his reflux was improving, and we were finally back to doing long weekends and stretches on our own. As a highly independent person, I was throwing my hands up in the air in celebration.....

.....and then came the flu---ha! And if you had the flu this year then you know what a butt kicker it was. Luckily, my son was able to go to my parents so he avoided it, but I was home with a fever for 5 days. It was the first time in my teaching life that I had to request a sub for two class sessions in a row. And it took THREE weeks to even somewhat recover my energy. During that final "recovery" week, Max came down with a "slight" cold....and we took a trip to visit my friend in Arizona, which led to both of us coming back fully sick and requiring at least two more weeks to somewhat recover energy levels. So you could say that most of January and February became a "wash." HA!

The best of intentions..... (noticing a theme here?!)....

About this time, I finally sucked up my pride and realized for the 100th time that well, I couldn't truly do this single mother thing on my own and it was time to make the care of my son easier for everyone. Thus I made the decision to officially move to Salem, which is the area where my parents and most of my siblings live and makes the most sense as my parents are still providing childcare for my son and his second cousin. The process of moving out of the home I'd been in for seven years was a bit of an emotional release, although there's still many physical items to still wade through. :)

There's still much in the air for this coming year that's ahead and much to decide for the next 3-4 years to come after that, but all things considered the move is feeling like the right decision. I'm still teaching the subjects I love and happily enjoy a 1.5 hour 1-2x a week commute through country roads. For  now, I'm still mentoring the students I love to mentor (mainly online). And we're fully enjoying the opportunity to explore new surroundings and spend more time with our family.

Two weeks ago, we celebrated Max's 1st birthday. And while this first year has been eventful and testing, it's held so many beautiful moments as well. I've had the opportunity to watch my baby grow and his development never fails to impress and astound me. I've seen his personality show and laughed at how many ways he is so much a personality twin of his mother (oh my!). The final week of the move, Max started sleeping through the night semi-regularly (and we also started cosleeping). So far, my little one seems to love the outdoors as much as I do. He's just starting to walk and took his first "hike" toddling 15 feet over creeks feeding into waterfalls. A moment that's sure to exist in my memory logs for years to come.

The challenges of the first year were many, the challenges that are ahead are also many. But some lessons, like always, re-emerged. After spending 3 years fully restoring myself to 100% independence, I've learned that sometimes I need to be okay with some codependency and just be grateful for the willingness of others to help us. I learned that I truly can't do it all on my own. I was reminded that good intentions don't always pan out. I was reminded that seasons of life that seem insurmountable always pass. I was grateful for family. I was grateful for baby smiles. I was grateful for the best therapy I know: the outdoors. I was grateful for the opportunity to alter my employment options to increase my flexibility, allow me to return toward more of what I enjoy teaching, AND creating more time with my son, more time for occasional self-care, and more time for rest.

In the midst of challenge....I was and still am.....ultimately grateful. And now that the majority of this stage of challenge has passed...I'm continuing to look forward to knowing and enjoying this little boy who I get to call my son. What a beautiful, wild, and incredible son he is.